i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
