You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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