should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
