Quick, to the slutcave!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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