At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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