I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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