I met the friendliest cop last night
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
