Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
