I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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