i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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