the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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