I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
