I feel like abortions should bother me more
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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