"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize