It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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