Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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