When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
