fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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