Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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