I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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