Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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