Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
