I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
