i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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