im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
