i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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