Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
