perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
