I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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