Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
