literally had 100 drinks last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
