the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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