As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
