question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Randomize
