I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
