Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize