Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
