and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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