If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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