Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
