The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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