i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
