If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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