4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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