Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize