just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize