I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
