Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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