I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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