im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
