I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
