why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
