i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just had sex on a roof
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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