my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
