oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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