Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
