i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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