I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
