my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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