Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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