Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
