you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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