the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
