Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
