I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
