Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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