my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize