peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
