I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
