i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
not ubering you a puppy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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