i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
