Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
