I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
