Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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