I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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