ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is Oprah even human
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
