you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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