What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
