It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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